Wake up beside the person you REALLY want!

How To Start Dating Again

We know, we know, we know. You’ve finally dumped that no-good boyfriend or girlfriend and now you’re ready to get back into that dating scene…kinda scary! You’re so used to being with that one person that it’s very hard to make that change. But what you need to do is get up, put on some clothes, get that hair tight, and STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF!! We’ve tried to find some ways to make the transition easier for all of you who are taking that dive back into the dating pool:

1. Deal With Your Unfinished Business
Take a closer look at the unfinished business in all of your relationships and any resulting patterns that surface. By examining the role you play in each interaction you have with loved ones, you'll not only be able let go of your past, but you'll also learn more about your motivations and expectations for future relationships as well.
2. Reflect on Negative Self-Talk
Have you ever noticed when you are alone the things you say to yourself without thinking? "I'll never get married," or "Why would anyone ever find me attractive?" are both examples of negative self talk. Catch yourself when you find yourself doing this, write your thoughts down, and reflect on why you’re feeling this way. Try to find ways to turn these into positive thoughts and feelings.
3. Define Your Needs
There is a fine line between having realistic relationship expectations and being open to whatever comes your way. Therefore, keeping an open mind while still remembering what's truly important to you in a relationship is ideal. Do you still want that brother or sister you wanted when you were 21 now that you’re 29 and much more “seasoned”? Probably not!
4. Feel ConfidentConfidence and self-esteem are crucial to putting your best foot forward and making a great first impression. Make sure to take the time to ease your nerves and deal with any dating fears before starting to date again.


Seeing Things Differently
Having trouble seeing where your partner is coming from sometimes? Here are eight tips for finding middle groundBy Dr. Scott Haltzman http://www.hitchedmag.com/
Question:Why does my partner seem to want different things from the relationship than I do?
Answer: When my office doors open to a couple who is seeking help in their relationship, not much time elapses before it becomes apparent that they are looking at the same relationship from two different perspectives: his and hers.
It's common to believe that couples' values for happiness are worlds apart. Actually, in most cases, men and women share many values they take for granted: they agree that they seek warmth, love, companionship, financial security and a safe environment to raise children. So, if they're on the same page with so many key issues, why do some couples have so many hard feelings about what they don't share?
Human nature explains part of the issue. It's rare when a couple sits around and celebrates all the things they agree on, but when there's that one point of discord, it consumes a great deal of their time and attention.
Different brains
Differences in how men and women perceive things also explain why we often feel our needs aren't being met. Brain studies show that men are excellent at navigating three-dimensional puzzles, but less accomplished at perceiving subtle changes in facial expressions; day-old boys are just as attentive to geometric objects as they are to human faces. Girls, on the other hand, pay rapt attention to faces from day one; they are more attentive to human emotions, and seem to have more diverse brain ability to verbalize their emotions. As boys and girls grow, they are shaped by their biology and social environment to have different strengths and weaknesses. When couples don't realize these differences, it can lead to misunderstanding.
When a woman doesn't realize that her guy may be listening to her with the sole intent of "solving her problems" (as he would a 3-D puzzle), she may feel unheard and uncared about when he interrupts her with suggestions. When a guy doesn't know that his partner wants to feel emotionally connected with him, he may feel rejected when she declines his invitation to sleep cuddled together.
Happy relationships are ones in which couples focus on areas of agreement and see the differences as a source of personal growth. Happy mates have the ability to capitalize on the differences between the sexes. Here are some of the things happy couples have taught me:
Women:
1. Know the things that make your man a man: Is he action oriented? Does he need pampering? Does he need credit for his achievements? Does he have a strong sex drive? There are many ways that your guy is different than you -- some of them are the reasons why you fell in love with him in the first place.
2. Nurture his nature: Okay, if you've figured out what makes him tick, why let those things tick you off? Instead, go with the flow. If he needs credit for small things, give it to him. He's happy, and you just saved yourself a lot of grief!
3. Take control of your happiness: Women today have more opportunities than ever, and unfortunately, more expectations as well. Here's the bottom line: you'll exhaust yourself if you try to be the best at everything all the time. Forget it. It's just not gonna happen. Instead, stand back and get a sense of priorities. Then, decide where to put your efforts, and ask your man to fill some of the gaps. But just remember, he's likely to do it his way [see (1) above].
4. Be good to yourself: a healthy diet, exercise, sex, "down" time and maintaining friendships can all be ways of keeping your life in balance.
Men:
1. Make sure your gal knows she's number one. She's working darn hard to juggle all the demands of today's woman. She's got to know that you're making her a priority.
2. Keep a "can do" attitude: Men sometimes feel overwhelmed with the "rules" of a relationship, and often believe that they can't get it right. When you take the time to see how your partner's needs differ from your own, you'll be in a better position to make both of you happier.
3. Get home! It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and lots of guys focus on being the best, either on the tennis court or in the board room. But don't forget that your other half got involved with you because she wanted you around. You've got to balance your priorities so that your partner feels you're spending enough time by her side.
4. Learn how to listen. Your fix-it skills propel you to respond to your partner's conversations by either jumping in with suggestions (because you think that's what she needs) or just tuning out (if you think there's nothing you can do). There's always something you can do, and usually it involves supporting your partner and providing a caring ear. Listening is an important way to make her feel there is an emotional connection -- often a prerequisite to a great sex life.
When a couple can learn to respect their differences, and act in ways that honor those distinctions, they find the key to fulfilling the needs of their partner.


Marrying someone of different Faith?????
Love can overcome any obstacle; but deepening your understanding of love will take patience and time.What may help a great deal is to find out how you(and later, he) define the following words:
man woman husband wife marriage
I've observed and/or been in, the expectations that one partner has of the other and their role(s) are often way out of whack.
In addition, it will be very helpful to know his attitudes---and yours---toward the following subjects:
sex power money children
...as these are the areas all couples fight about the most. Again, almost all go into a marriage having little if any idea how their partner feels about these subjects; better to bite the bullet and learn well BEFORE the marriage than after. "Marry in haste, repent at leisure" is a good saying to keep you watchful and aware.

POEM.....................................
TOUCH A WOMAN'S MIND, AND YOU GET HER INTEREST
TOUCH A WOMAN'S HEART, AND YOU GET HER LOVE
TOUCH A WOMAN'S SOUL, ALONG WITH THE LORD TOUCHING IT
AND YOU GET PASSION BEYOND YOUR WILDEST DREAMS
ONCE YOU HAVE TOUCHED ALL 3YOU HAVE FOUND YOUR SOUL MATE
GOD ALWAYS GIVES HIS BEST
TO THOSE WHO LEAVE THE
CHOICE WITH HIM
RELATIONSHIPS DON'T THRIVE BECAUSETHE GUILTY ARE PUNISHED...
BUT BECAUSE THE INNOCENT ARE MERCIFUL.
LIFE IS SHORT!
BREAK THE RULES!
FORGIVE QUICKLY!
KISS SLOWLY!
LOVE TRULY!
LAUGH UNCONTROLLABLY
AND NEVER REGRET,ANYTHING THAT MADE YOU SMILE.
Keep Your thoughts positive, because your thoughtsbecome your words.Keep your words positive, because your words become your actions.Keep your actions positive, because your actions become your habits.

Talk happiness; talk faith; talk health. Say you are well, and all is well with you, and God shall hear your words and make them true.
-Ella Wheeler Wilcox

And for all of us grown folks who didn’t graduate from A&T (not hating, 2 of my brothers are Aggies!), here is a rundown of this weekend’s hottest events!
Thursday, October 25
Card Slappin’ and Soul Food Smackin’
2424 NoDa, Suite 105
Ladies Night @ the V on the 4th
305 W. 4th St.
“Unwine Theory Jazz and Poetry” The Alumni Lounge
The Grape @ Northlake Mall
6801 Northlake Drive
Friday, October 26
Six Figure Entertainment Presents The Masquerade Edition
Ruth’s Chris (Uptown) 222 S. Tryon Street
Inner Circle Events Presents The Candyman Event
Zink American Restaurant 201 S. Tryon Street
Flirt Fridays @ The Sunset Club/ Eyes Wide Shut Edition
1820 South Blvd. (South End)
Saturday, October 27
Maz Entertainment Presents Hollywood Halloween
City Tavern Uptown in the Hearst Tower 214 N. Tryon Street
Brown Sugar Jam (SOS) featuring Special Ed
Grand Central-1000 Central Avenue
Official JCSU Alumni Homecoming Afterparty
Illusions Grill and Bar
3108 E. Independence Blvd.
Memory Lane JCSU Step Show Afterparty
Jillians Uptown
Ambience Entourage Presents “Celebrity Status”
Verona Lounge
127 N. Tryon Street (2nd Floor of the Ivey’s Building)


We give you what your crave, not just what you need..............