How To Start Dating Again
We know, we know, we know. You’ve finally dumped that no-good boyfriend or girlfriend and now you’re ready to get back into that dating scene…kinda scary! You’re so used to being with that one person that it’s very hard to make that change. But what you need to do is get up, put on some clothes, get that hair tight, and STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF!! We’ve tried to find some ways to make the transition easier for all of you who are taking that dive back into the dating pool:
1. Deal With Your Unfinished Business
Take a closer look at the unfinished business in all of your relationships and any resulting patterns that surface. By examining the role you play in each interaction you have with loved ones, you'll not only be able let go of your past, but you'll also learn more about your motivations and expectations for future relationships as well.
2. Reflect on Negative Self-Talk
Have you ever noticed when you are alone the things you say to yourself without thinking? "I'll never get married," or "Why would anyone ever find me attractive?" are both examples of negative self talk. Catch yourself when you find yourself doing this, write your thoughts down, and reflect on why you’re feeling this way. Try to find ways to turn these into positive thoughts and feelings.
3. Define Your Needs
There is a fine line between having realistic relationship expectations and being open to whatever comes your way. Therefore, keeping an open mind while still remembering what's truly important to you in a relationship is ideal. Do you still want that brother or sister you wanted when you were 21 now that you’re 29 and much more “seasoned”? Probably not!
4. Feel ConfidentConfidence and self-esteem are crucial to putting your best foot forward and making a great first impression. Make sure to take the time to ease your nerves and deal with any dating fears before starting to date again.
Seeing Things Differently
Having trouble seeing where your partner is coming from sometimes? Here are eight tips for finding middle groundBy Dr. Scott Haltzman http://www.hitchedmag.com/
Question:Why does my partner seem to want different things from the relationship than I do?
Answer: When my office doors open to a couple who is seeking help in their relationship, not much time elapses before it becomes apparent that they are looking at the same relationship from two different perspectives: his and hers.
It's common to believe that couples' values for happiness are worlds apart. Actually, in most cases, men and women share many values they take for granted: they agree that they seek warmth, love, companionship, financial security and a safe environment to raise children. So, if they're on the same page with so many key issues, why do some couples have so many hard feelings about what they don't share?
Human nature explains part of the issue. It's rare when a couple sits around and celebrates all the things they agree on, but when there's that one point of discord, it consumes a great deal of their time and attention.
Different brains
Differences in how men and women perceive things also explain why we often feel our needs aren't being met. Brain studies show that men are excellent at navigating three-dimensional puzzles, but less accomplished at perceiving subtle changes in facial expressions; day-old boys are just as attentive to geometric objects as they are to human faces. Girls, on the other hand, pay rapt attention to faces from day one; they are more attentive to human emotions, and seem to have more diverse brain ability to verbalize their emotions. As boys and girls grow, they are shaped by their biology and social environment to have different strengths and weaknesses. When couples don't realize these differences, it can lead to misunderstanding.
When a woman doesn't realize that her guy may be listening to her with the sole intent of "solving her problems" (as he would a 3-D puzzle), she may feel unheard and uncared about when he interrupts her with suggestions. When a guy doesn't know that his partner wants to feel emotionally connected with him, he may feel rejected when she declines his invitation to sleep cuddled together.
Happy relationships are ones in which couples focus on areas of agreement and see the differences as a source of personal growth. Happy mates have the ability to capitalize on the differences between the sexes. Here are some of the things happy couples have taught me:
Women:
1. Know the things that make your man a man: Is he action oriented? Does he need pampering? Does he need credit for his achievements? Does he have a strong sex drive? There are many ways that your guy is different than you -- some of them are the reasons why you fell in love with him in the first place.
2. Nurture his nature: Okay, if you've figured out what makes him tick, why let those things tick you off? Instead, go with the flow. If he needs credit for small things, give it to him. He's happy, and you just saved yourself a lot of grief!
3. Take control of your happiness: Women today have more opportunities than ever, and unfortunately, more expectations as well. Here's the bottom line: you'll exhaust yourself if you try to be the best at everything all the time. Forget it. It's just not gonna happen. Instead, stand back and get a sense of priorities. Then, decide where to put your efforts, and ask your man to fill some of the gaps. But just remember, he's likely to do it his way [see (1) above].
4. Be good to yourself: a healthy diet, exercise, sex, "down" time and maintaining friendships can all be ways of keeping your life in balance.
Men:
1. Make sure your gal knows she's number one. She's working darn hard to juggle all the demands of today's woman. She's got to know that you're making her a priority.
2. Keep a "can do" attitude: Men sometimes feel overwhelmed with the "rules" of a relationship, and often believe that they can't get it right. When you take the time to see how your partner's needs differ from your own, you'll be in a better position to make both of you happier.
3. Get home! It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and lots of guys focus on being the best, either on the tennis court or in the board room. But don't forget that your other half got involved with you because she wanted you around. You've got to balance your priorities so that your partner feels you're spending enough time by her side.
4. Learn how to listen. Your fix-it skills propel you to respond to your partner's conversations by either jumping in with suggestions (because you think that's what she needs) or just tuning out (if you think there's nothing you can do). There's always something you can do, and usually it involves supporting your partner and providing a caring ear. Listening is an important way to make her feel there is an emotional connection -- often a prerequisite to a great sex life.
When a couple can learn to respect their differences, and act in ways that honor those distinctions, they find the key to fulfilling the needs of their partner.
Marrying someone of different Faith?????
Love can overcome any obstacle; but deepening your understanding of love will take patience and time.What may help a great deal is to find out how you(and later, he) define the following words:
man woman husband wife marriage
I've observed and/or been in, the expectations that one partner has of the other and their role(s) are often way out of whack.
In addition, it will be very helpful to know his attitudes---and yours---toward the following subjects:
sex power money children
...as these are the areas all couples fight about the most. Again, almost all go into a marriage having little if any idea how their partner feels about these subjects; better to bite the bullet and learn well BEFORE the marriage than after. "Marry in haste, repent at leisure" is a good saying to keep you watchful and aware.
POEM.....................................
TOUCH A WOMAN'S MIND, AND YOU GET HER INTEREST
TOUCH A WOMAN'S HEART, AND YOU GET HER LOVE
TOUCH A WOMAN'S SOUL, ALONG WITH THE LORD TOUCHING IT
AND YOU GET PASSION BEYOND YOUR WILDEST DREAMS
ONCE YOU HAVE TOUCHED ALL 3YOU HAVE FOUND YOUR SOUL MATE
GOD ALWAYS GIVES HIS BEST
TO THOSE WHO LEAVE THE
CHOICE WITH HIM
RELATIONSHIPS DON'T THRIVE BECAUSETHE GUILTY ARE PUNISHED...
BUT BECAUSE THE INNOCENT ARE MERCIFUL.
LIFE IS SHORT!
BREAK THE RULES!
FORGIVE QUICKLY!
KISS SLOWLY!
LOVE TRULY!
LAUGH UNCONTROLLABLY
AND NEVER REGRET,ANYTHING THAT MADE YOU SMILE.
Keep Your thoughts positive, because your thoughtsbecome your words.Keep your words positive, because your words become your actions.Keep your actions positive, because your actions become your habits.
Talk happiness; talk faith; talk health. Say you are well, and all is well with you, and God shall hear your words and make them true.
-Ella Wheeler Wilcox
And for all of us grown folks who didn’t graduate from A&T (not hating, 2 of my brothers are Aggies!), here is a rundown of this weekend’s hottest events!
Thursday, October 25
Card Slappin’ and Soul Food Smackin’
2424 NoDa, Suite 105
Ladies Night @ the V on the 4th
305 W. 4th St.
“Unwine Theory Jazz and Poetry” The Alumni Lounge
The Grape @ Northlake Mall
6801 Northlake Drive
Friday, October 26
Six Figure Entertainment Presents The Masquerade Edition
Ruth’s Chris (Uptown) 222 S. Tryon Street
Inner Circle Events Presents The Candyman Event
Zink American Restaurant 201 S. Tryon Street
Flirt Fridays @ The Sunset Club/ Eyes Wide Shut Edition
1820 South Blvd. (South End)
Saturday, October 27
Maz Entertainment Presents Hollywood Halloween
City Tavern Uptown in the Hearst Tower 214 N. Tryon Street
Brown Sugar Jam (SOS) featuring Special Ed
Grand Central-1000 Central Avenue
Official JCSU Alumni Homecoming Afterparty
Illusions Grill and Bar
3108 E. Independence Blvd.
Memory Lane JCSU Step Show Afterparty
Jillians Uptown
Ambience Entourage Presents “Celebrity Status”
Verona Lounge
127 N. Tryon Street (2nd Floor of the Ivey’s Building)
We give you what your crave, not just what you need..............
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
We Are Hip Hop!!!!!
BET HIP HOP AWARDS 2007
Was it just me or was this year's awards show kinda flat? I'm not sure if it was the performers or the set up. I know it didn't feel right without T.I.'s performance. :)
Loved David Banner's monologue (he repped for Michael Vick BIG time) and Katt Williams STILL keeps me rolling every time I see him on stage!
They say Nelly had his new girlfriend at the awards but sat beside Ashanti. I guess it was too late to change the
seating. But Ashanti was his biggest fan when he came out and did his thing on stage. Not so sure how true that rumor is because they look all hugged up at her 27th birthday celebration. This is obviously the same night as the awards becuase this is the same outfit. Happy BDay Ashanti!!!!!!!!! 
Keyshia Cole and Ciara, we love your new look.....keep it up!!!! And speaking of Ciara, why did they put her on stage with that short (but cute) Hill Harper. I swear I just kept wishing he would grow!
DON'T STAY IN THAT RUT
Procrastination: One Reason Why Black Businesses Fail
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, African Americans are more likely to start a business - but are also more likely to fail at business than any other race. Let's address one common reason why many of our businesses don't survive: Procrastination.
Looking to kill your business? No problem, keep procrastinating. No one wants their business to go down the tubes, but procrastination is one of the most lethal ways to destroy a business from the inside out. Procrastination cuts off any possibility of success, even before you've taken on your first customer. It sucks the lifeblood from everything you hope to do by leaving you right there--in the valley of hopes and dreams--rather than on the mountain of action and results.
Not sure what some of the symptoms of procrastination are? Let's start with that client you promised to follow up with yesterday. Did you make the call? How about getting that business paperwork in order? Can you pull your taxes from three years ago within minutes? If not, then procrastination could be keeping you from fulfilling your promises, organizing your business and managing your finances to ensure your business is not pulled out from under you, by you.
Dante Lee is the president and CEO of Diversity City Media, a multicultural marketing and public relations firm based in Columbus, Ohio . His daily blog, BlackBusinessCoach.com, offers a FREE email and RSS subscription for black entrepreneurs and business owners.
TREATING KIDS WHO CATCH COLDS
Colds are going to last a week if you aggressively treat them; and about seven days if you leave them alone. (Symptoms can last longer in infants). Nature has provided about 200 or so different strains of colds to help jump start an infant's immune system. By getting little colds, babies will be better able to fight off other, more serious, infections. Nature provides an ample supply of human viruses and people provide the transport system so we can freely share them.
New parents are not prepared for snotty noses, coughing, and fever, especially in an infant. As a matter of fact, ANY fever tends to freak out novice Moms and Dads. Fever is the body's most primitive immune response and need not be feared. It should be viewed as an expected and welcomed response. When your body raises its temperature, viruses find it more difficult to replicate. If we keep loading kids up with acetaminophen (Tylenol) or ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin), we are really defeating this beneficial fever response. If the kids are handling the fever well, it is often better to leave them alone. However, is perfectly fine to treat misery. Colds can cause body aches and headaches and babies do not understand discomfort. It is okay to treat for comfort, but don't let the thermometer tell you what to do.Except in very rare occasions, fever is not dangerous and will not cause brain damage (at least in kids). Inexperienced parents, on the other hand, seem to get brain damage when their child becomes ill.
Colds will occur with or without these recalled medications. Children will get better, with or without these recalled medications. Yes, they may be a more stuffy, and you will need to use some saline nasal spray and the feared, nose-sucker (nasal aspirator), but they will get better. Children may cough a bit more, but coughing helps clear a mucous-filled airway. You may have to get out that cool mist humidifier again.
And, finally, you may need to make some homemade chicken soup, often called Jewish Penicillin. If you can't, there is always Campbell's. Chicken soup not only hydrates and warms those mucous membranes; it tastes great, and will give you something to do while nature orchestrates that cure.
Was it just me or was this year's awards show kinda flat? I'm not sure if it was the performers or the set up. I know it didn't feel right without T.I.'s performance. :)
Loved David Banner's monologue (he repped for Michael Vick BIG time) and Katt Williams STILL keeps me rolling every time I see him on stage!
They say Nelly had his new girlfriend at the awards but sat beside Ashanti. I guess it was too late to change the
seating. But Ashanti was his biggest fan when he came out and did his thing on stage. Not so sure how true that rumor is because they look all hugged up at her 27th birthday celebration. This is obviously the same night as the awards becuase this is the same outfit. Happy BDay Ashanti!!!!!!!!! Keyshia Cole and Ciara, we love your new look.....keep it up!!!! And speaking of Ciara, why did they put her on stage with that short (but cute) Hill Harper. I swear I just kept wishing he would grow!
DON'T STAY IN THAT RUT
Procrastination: One Reason Why Black Businesses Fail
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, African Americans are more likely to start a business - but are also more likely to fail at business than any other race. Let's address one common reason why many of our businesses don't survive: Procrastination.
Looking to kill your business? No problem, keep procrastinating. No one wants their business to go down the tubes, but procrastination is one of the most lethal ways to destroy a business from the inside out. Procrastination cuts off any possibility of success, even before you've taken on your first customer. It sucks the lifeblood from everything you hope to do by leaving you right there--in the valley of hopes and dreams--rather than on the mountain of action and results.
Not sure what some of the symptoms of procrastination are? Let's start with that client you promised to follow up with yesterday. Did you make the call? How about getting that business paperwork in order? Can you pull your taxes from three years ago within minutes? If not, then procrastination could be keeping you from fulfilling your promises, organizing your business and managing your finances to ensure your business is not pulled out from under you, by you.
Dante Lee is the president and CEO of Diversity City Media, a multicultural marketing and public relations firm based in Columbus, Ohio . His daily blog, BlackBusinessCoach.com, offers a FREE email and RSS subscription for black entrepreneurs and business owners.
TREATING KIDS WHO CATCH COLDS
Colds are going to last a week if you aggressively treat them; and about seven days if you leave them alone. (Symptoms can last longer in infants). Nature has provided about 200 or so different strains of colds to help jump start an infant's immune system. By getting little colds, babies will be better able to fight off other, more serious, infections. Nature provides an ample supply of human viruses and people provide the transport system so we can freely share them.
New parents are not prepared for snotty noses, coughing, and fever, especially in an infant. As a matter of fact, ANY fever tends to freak out novice Moms and Dads. Fever is the body's most primitive immune response and need not be feared. It should be viewed as an expected and welcomed response. When your body raises its temperature, viruses find it more difficult to replicate. If we keep loading kids up with acetaminophen (Tylenol) or ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin), we are really defeating this beneficial fever response. If the kids are handling the fever well, it is often better to leave them alone. However, is perfectly fine to treat misery. Colds can cause body aches and headaches and babies do not understand discomfort. It is okay to treat for comfort, but don't let the thermometer tell you what to do.Except in very rare occasions, fever is not dangerous and will not cause brain damage (at least in kids). Inexperienced parents, on the other hand, seem to get brain damage when their child becomes ill.
Colds will occur with or without these recalled medications. Children will get better, with or without these recalled medications. Yes, they may be a more stuffy, and you will need to use some saline nasal spray and the feared, nose-sucker (nasal aspirator), but they will get better. Children may cough a bit more, but coughing helps clear a mucous-filled airway. You may have to get out that cool mist humidifier again.
And, finally, you may need to make some homemade chicken soup, often called Jewish Penicillin. If you can't, there is always Campbell's. Chicken soup not only hydrates and warms those mucous membranes; it tastes great, and will give you something to do while nature orchestrates that cure.
ENTERTAINMENT BLAST
Poor T.I.!!! I feel it was a set up. The Feds held a press conference today in downtown Atlanta to 
display the collection of revolvers, automatic rifles, machine guns and pistols found in rapper T.I.'s home and car. Nothing unusual here: one would normally find guns like these in a collector's home. The fact that the collector is a convicted felon and popular rapper who obtained the weapons by illegal means is what makes this is a national news story. I am mad that he wasn't there for the BET awards and that Busta tried to steal the show. Oh and word has it Tiny is pregnant again. She lost her previous child due to all the stress she was under. So we will keep her in our prayers because we know she is under alot of stress.
display the collection of revolvers, automatic rifles, machine guns and pistols found in rapper T.I.'s home and car. Nothing unusual here: one would normally find guns like these in a collector's home. The fact that the collector is a convicted felon and popular rapper who obtained the weapons by illegal means is what makes this is a national news story. I am mad that he wasn't there for the BET awards and that Busta tried to steal the show. Oh and word has it Tiny is pregnant again. She lost her previous child due to all the stress she was under. So we will keep her in our prayers because we know she is under alot of stress. I love New York. She is as ugly as Flava Flav. Please hurry up and cancel the show. NO more please. And why did they let that midget even come to the house???!!!!!!!!!!!
For all yall hip hop heads get ready for the LL cool J and Jay Z battle.....
PARTY PARTY PARTYYYYYY!!!
Friday Oct 26th Six Figure presents The Masquerade Edition @Ruths Chris Steak House on South Tryon.
Street DJ Flamingo 21 to enter 25 preferred
Saturday Oct 27 MAZEntertainment.com presents Hollywood Halloween costume party (costumes optional) City Tavern in Hearst Tower.
P.S..WE GIVE YOU WHAT YOU CRAVE NOT JUST WHAT YOU NEED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Young, Black, and Professional
Well, isn’t that you?! We’d like to dedicate this week’s issue to all of us. The grinders. Those who make it happen (or try to) every day. The go-getters. The young at heart and in spirit. We want you to succeed at every endeavor you wish…so here’s to you and all you do to get yours and keep it!
Get Your Mind Right
One of the biggest obstacles facing our young people is a lack of adequate education and information about today’s job market. Gone are the days when just having a college degree guaranteed you a “good job”. Having a back-up plan is what you need when entering the workplace, be it the first time or the tenth. Knowledge is key when trying to stay one step ahead of the game. Whether it’s to make extra money, or to help make ends meet, a LEGAL hustle is what it’s all about! Real estate, privatized home health care, and personal beautification (spas and salons) are professions that can either supplement your income or make you rich…the choice is yours. Pick up this great book in order to help you decide what to do and give you the confidence to do it, Myths of Rich and Poor: Why We’re Better Off Than We Think by W. Michael Cox and Richard Alm.
Push Your Limits
One thing people are often scared to do when seeking more financial stability is moving. There is a certain fear of the unknown, especially if you’re not already employed in the new area or if you’re used to being close to family. The biggest mistake you can make is letting that trap you into not making that big move in order to change your life and your situation. Don’t regret going after your dreams, or just moving to give yourself a fresh start. Here are the top 10 cities for black people to live or relocate:
These cities offer the best opportunities for networking, entrepreneurship, homeownership, and job security according to several studies, but don’t take our word for it, read about it here: http://www.thefreelibrary.com/Top+10+cities+for+African+Americans+2007:+our+readers+and+editors...-a0162882980
Take Care of Yourself
We all know that as young people, we don’t always give ourselves the best TLC. We party, get up early as you know what for work, we don’t eat right, and we don’t allow ourselves time to chill and relax…WITHOUT going to the club! Please, make sure you try to follow these little reminders to keep yourself looking so YBF!
-Get at least 8 hours of sleep a night
-Drink 8 glasses of water each day
- Eat plenty of green vegetables
- Drink alcohol in moderation
- Make regular visits to your physician
There are also some very positive events taking place in Charlotte this weekend, so take your pick and enlighten yourself, and if you're already aware, make someone else aware also!Having Our Say: The Delaney Sisters' First 100 Years-Afro-American Cultural Center, October 11-14.
B-Risque Fitness and B-Mania at the new University location-8404 N. Tryon Street, October 12.
Fundraiser for Underprivileged Children-AllStars Restaurant 5638 Albemarle Road, October 13.
We hope we have helped you begin to make a change in your life, if that’s what you’re seeking, or just gave you some information that you weren’t aware of. All of us would like to live well, it just takes Passion and Sacrifice. A better YOU is waiting!!
P.S...We give you what you crave, not just what you need!!!!
Friday, October 5, 2007
Better late than never...............................
As you know, we told you that Senator Barack Obama would reschedule his town hall meeting in Rock Hill, and we have received the new information! He is now scheduled to speak at Northwestern High School at 2503 W. Main Street on Saturday, October 6 and doors open at 7:00 p.m. Of course, this event is free and open to the general public, but an RSVP is encouraged due to the expected turnout. You can RSVP by clicking this link, http://sc.barackobama.com/RHevent, and get another chance to check out OUR next presidential candidate!
I really hate to even let Bill O’Reilly have any of my time, but I’m sure all of you have heard about his racist comments that he made on his radio show about his experience while eating dinner with the Reverend Al Sharpton at Sylvia’s soul food restaurant in
Harlem. In a nutshell, he said that black people actually know how to eat in a civilized
manner, don’t curse at waitresses, and that he was surprised. Wow. I’m surprised that people are in an uproar about this. As far as I know and have heard, he has never had anything positive to say about black people and our culture. So, I think he and his comments have taken up enough space on this blog. However, on a note more to my liking, check out the article below, and while you’re at it, Google Juan Williams, he’s a good ol’ black Bill O’Reilly supporter!
“Why I Called Juan Williams a ‘Happy Negro’ on CNN—And Why He and Bill O’Reilly Are Not Happy About It” by Dr. Boyce Watkins. Also visit his website http://www.boycewatkins.com/, he has an interesting viewpoint and isn’t afraid to talk about it!
The last bit of bad news for today comes from Hempstead, N.Y.
JENA PART 2 - HEMPSTEAD, N.Y. — A noose was found dangling in the headquarters of a suburban police department that prides itself on its diversity, the police chief said.
Read here for the full story on the noose hanging in the New York police department.
I really hate to even let Bill O’Reilly have any of my time, but I’m sure all of you have heard about his racist comments that he made on his radio show about his experience while eating dinner with the Reverend Al Sharpton at Sylvia’s soul food restaurant in
Harlem. In a nutshell, he said that black people actually know how to eat in a civilized
manner, don’t curse at waitresses, and that he was surprised. Wow. I’m surprised that people are in an uproar about this. As far as I know and have heard, he has never had anything positive to say about black people and our culture. So, I think he and his comments have taken up enough space on this blog. However, on a note more to my liking, check out the article below, and while you’re at it, Google Juan Williams, he’s a good ol’ black Bill O’Reilly supporter!
“Why I Called Juan Williams a ‘Happy Negro’ on CNN—And Why He and Bill O’Reilly Are Not Happy About It” by Dr. Boyce Watkins. Also visit his website http://www.boycewatkins.com/, he has an interesting viewpoint and isn’t afraid to talk about it!
The last bit of bad news for today comes from Hempstead, N.Y.
JENA PART 2 - HEMPSTEAD, N.Y. — A noose was found dangling in the headquarters of a suburban police department that prides itself on its diversity, the police chief said.
Read here for the full story on the noose hanging in the New York police department.
But on to the positive stuff!! This long weekend is so packed with parties, but we felt we needed to spotlight one in particular, Swagger Sundays at the Sunset Club. Go get your swagga on we will be here to party with the grown folks.
Fellas, keep your game SO professional in these hot Pradas! If you got your swagga together, you already know how and where to get them…but if not, check out our hotlist! 
http://www.raffaello-network.com/ is the website.
http://www.raffaello-network.com/ is the website.
SUPERHEAD CONFRONTS BIG TIGGER ON RADIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.thelifefiles.com/superhead-confronts-big-tigger-on-radio/
http://www.thelifefiles.com/superhead-confronts-big-tigger-on-radio/
Giving you what you crave, not just what you need!!!!!!!!!!!!
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